


Im here

by infaredlove



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Caring, Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gem War, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 21:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13108767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infaredlove/pseuds/infaredlove
Summary: Ruby contemplates her self worth, drawing back on painful memories, such as traveling with sapphire a few weeks after they had fused, losing her friends in the war, and the very production od herself.





	Im here

What was the use of a ruby?

 

To guard.

 

Any cut would be assigned to an elite- emeralds, zircons, agates, sapphires. A ruby guard could be purchased, as they came fully trained. They were expected, of course, to do a number of things: protect the entrances of buildings, accompany their masters on expeditions, and run errands that the lowly pearls could not be trusted to do on their own. Many of these rubies were quiet, unlike their counterparts. Some had been grunt soldiers, once, and managed to survive. Others just emerged from a better kindergarten and were regarded higher than those who were used as pilots or soldiers. Unfortunately, it was up to Homeworld. Rubies were never given a chance to prove themselves.

 

To pilot.

 

Pilots were needed during the gem wars, but after the war, they had been placed into stagnant positions as a chauffeur for the elite. These rubies were roughousers- they had never seen the war. They had only flown and manned the ships that did not enter the airfield of the wars. These rubies were ignorant- but they were not stupid as those claimed. They believed the stories their commanding officers told. They understood that they could be shattered upon returning to Homeworld. Some were.

 

To fight.

 

Grunt soldiers were the lowest of rubies, sent to war because they were produced specifically for that reason. Hundreds upon hundreds of rubies were created with little to no care of what they emerged as- they would be shattered on the front lines regardless. They were created to be killed. Most of these grunt soldiers were thrown into the line of fire the day they were formed. No one bothered to train them, there was just no time. But this was no normal war. It was not a war in which soldiers ran at each other, armored, in hand to hand combat. The crystal gems had laid, waiting, in fields and in trees. They used their weapons to take out soldiers one by one. Their fusions took out large groups, with a blow from a hammer, or a crack of a whip. But the worst was the disappearing. Soldiers would be pulled from their groups as though they had never been there in the first place. Rubies disappeared easily. Their comrades went mad with the thoughts, knowing that they would never be seen again. Some just waited to be killed. The war was no place for a weak mind. Those soldiers who survived had been there from the beginning. They knew how to react. They knew how to compartmentalize. Most importantly, they knew how to keep their distance. The problems with rubies, though, as they were fierce and passionate. They needed to be social, it was built into their bodies, their minds. But those who had been there when it all began understood. Sometimes, they were pulled from the lines to protect the elites on earth. That often led to their demise.

 

That was what she had been doing there.

 

When she had first seen sapphire, she thought that she was a snob. Most elites were. They treated their rubies poorly, as most did because it was how things were. But this sapphire was oddly quiet, which in turn, scared the three guards even more. A silent elite meant danger.

 

After they had made garnet for the first time, ruby felt nothing but panic. When they fled, she spent many nights arguing with her.

 

_“Sapphire, we have to go back! If they find us out here, they are going to kill you. If you surrender yourself, they’ll have mercy. We can't keep running away like this!”_

 

_“We cannot return, Ruby,” Sapphire answered though she had grown annoyed with the number of times the soldier had brought this up._

 

_Ruby grabbed her hair, her body steaming in the damp air that surrounded them in the cave. She had grown frustrated. Everything she knew had been gone, no one to give her orders, no way to know where she was or what was to come. She was alone, with a sapphire that knew all, but refused to give her a single order. “What are we going to do if the rebels find us, huh? What do you suppose we do then, miss high and mighty grand clarity?”_

 

_“We join them!” Sapphire snapped, ice shooting across the floor and under Ruby's’ feet._

 

_“Join them? They killed everyone I knew! They'll kill us, Sapphire! Surely you can see that in your future vision!”_

 

_“I can see that you’re angry at me for all the wrong reasons.”_

 

_“Quit avoiding my questions! I'm not an idiot! I'm a trained soldier of the sixteenth regiment, commanded by Jasper cut J4X! I'm the last surviving member of my platoon- I know what those Crystal Gems can do!” Her anger erupted, like bubbling magma, held deep within her core._

 

_“You misjudge them. We were on the wrong side. We can change… we can fight for something that matters.”_

 

_“And I suppose I'm supposed to forgive them for the deaths of all of my friends, and all of the other rubies that have been shattered and killed in their hands. Because we don't matter, do we, your grand clarity?” Ruby spat, her tone vile. “It's so easy for you to forget what they've done. Easy for you because of your status. The closest you've come to this war is advising where to move us. You don't know anything about what this is really like.”_

 

_Sapphire was silent. The ice only spread but fizzled out underneath the extreme heat of the soldier before her._

 

_“I'm sorry.” She murmured._

 

_“So am I,” Ruby replied, sitting down. She had burnt herself out. “I didn't mean that… I just can't bring myself to do this. Not yet, Sapphire. Not yet.”_

 

_“I understand.”_

 

_“Then where do we go from here?”_

 

_“Anywhere, Ruby,” Sapphire answered, looking at her. “We explore this world together. There is nothing else we can do.”_

  


Their arguments had not ended there. Much more had occurred, brought on by a mixture of fear, exhaustion, and confusion. Sapphire believed they should follow the paths they found naturally. Ruby thought that was a stupid plan. Her future vision was rarely used unless the pair was put in immediate danger. 

 

It was due to circumstance that the pair argued so frequently. Fear fueled anger, and anxiousness. They could have gone forever in this state of argument if it had not been for the moment that Ruby realized how she had been hurting Sapphire. 

 

_The day was hot. The air was sticky, as they found their way through a field of tall grass and heavy mud, mud so thick it could suffocate a gem if they got too close. As though it could not get worse, it began to storm, and hot streaks of lightning hit the ground and caused booming roars above their heads, as rain fell down heavily upon them._

 

_“Fantastic!” Ruby snapped, trying to shield sapphire from the rain._

 

_The aristocrat giggled in her arms. “I knew you would say that.”_

 

_“Well, if you knew this was going to happen, why didn't you say anything?” Ruby asked, grunting. “You have that stupid vision but you never use it. You just like to laugh at me.”_

 

_“I saw it as a possibility. You were so adept at leaving, I assumed you would not listen to me.”_

 

_“So now you think I won't listen to you? You’re impossible, sapphire!” The red gem became hot, setting her down and trekking ahead. She had become fed up with Sapphire's lack of help, as she had to do all the navigation and grunt work. “You can walk. Or float. I'm done hauling you around…”_

 

_Sapphire sunk a bit in the mud, her dress pulling her down. She tried to keep up, but Ruby was quick. She had spotted a clearing up ahead, which meant possible shelter. She knew this terrain much more than Sapphire ever had. Her billowy hair stuck to her face, poking her eye and causing her to flinch. Water was blocking her vision, and her legs felt like they were being absorbed into the mud itself. Her breath hitched as her fear was made true: she was stuck. She looked ahead, parting her hair to catch sight of Ruby, but the rain was falling much too hard. Blurred shapes were moving, dancing in the wind. Writing in the mud, she fell forward, catching herself upon the wet ground and staining her gown further. Looking up again, she saw figures dancing on the horizon. Lightning struck all around, and she saw a flame, or a thousand flames, shooting miles into the sky. Sapphire screamed, and screamed loudly, an undignified cry that held nothing but primal fear. “I can't see! Ruby! I can't see!”_

 

_An arm wrapped around her waist, only causing her voice to raise an octave, her fear prevalent and sending shockwaves through her body. “Ruby! Ruby!’_

 

_“I'm here,” Ruby whispered in her ear, breaking through her screams, the thunder, the wind. “I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.” She repeated as Sapphire was lifted into her arms. She went towards the clearing, going towards a cave. The rain echoed, but they were safe from the elements, and she laid sapphire upon the ground and rushed to start a fire._

 

_“I can't see, I can't see…” The blue gem sobbed._

 

_Ruby pulled her tightly into her arms, rocking her gently. She held her until she calmed down, until the rain stopped, and a bit beyond. Until Sapphire’s breath was stilled, and her body stopped quaking. Only then did the soldier think of letting go, to clean the gem in her protection and care. Her heart throbbed heavily in her chest. Seeing Sapphire in such a frightened state made her anger burst and her sadness call out. Emotions flowed out of her, longing, fear, anger, and the overwhelming urge to care. The urge to coddle this gem, cradling her in her arms, comforting her when she was afraid. That was her new purpose, she decided silently._

 

After the day in the swamp, Ruby and Sapphire ceased fighting. They began to find the beauty in the world around them, spending nights under the stars, and days in fields of flowers. They grew closer, over the months in which they were isolated with each other.

 

Some days, they would blush and hold hands, gasping and laughing when one would press a shy kiss on the other's lips.

 

Some days, they had hot, passionate sex underneath the blanket of stars, releasing the stress and tension of walking so far.

 

But now, six thousand years later, they remained fused almost all of the time. On occasion, the two gems would refuse, whether it be for need or for fun. Recently, they had unfused, and Garnet had not returned.

 

Ruby sat silently on the beach, staring out at the waves in front of her. She tried not to think of anything, but instead, thought of everything. She heard sapphire screaming, shattering rubies, wandering alone on Pink Diamonds’ colony with nothing but her gauntlet and her wits about her.

Her eyes were wet, rimmed in tears, but she had not consciously cried. Not yet. She wanted to meditate, as Sapphire had taught her, and as Garnet had taught to Stevonnie and Pearl and even Rose. It all brought back painful memories she did not want to have. Her mind swam through a field of mud, she felt the electricity shooting through her body, making her tremble. Her voice called out in a whisper.

 

“I can't see.” She called, quietly. “I cant see, I can see, I can't see.”

 

Her voice continued to rise, but her mind slipped. She called out the cuts of those she lost, and soon the nicknames of her beloved friends. She called for help, and that she could not see, and that she was dying.

 

“Ruby,” Sapphire whispered in her ear, cutting through her cries. “Ruby, I'm here. I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.”

 

“Sapphire…” Ruby whispered, refocusing her eyes. She saw the sunset before her, shades of rose and chartreuse, teal and indigo. The sun was bright yellow, glimmering above a royal blue sea that crashed in her ears. “Sapphire.”

 

“I'm here, Ruby.” She sat down beside her, opening her arms. The red gem climbed into them, laying her head against her chest and gripping her gown with balled up fists. “You’re cold, Ruby. Colder than usual.”

 

Ruby nodded, pushing closer to her chest. “I keep seeing things that hurt, Sapphire.”

 

“I'm sorry, Ruby,” The woman whispered, stroking her hair and pulling her closer. “But I'm here for you, and those bad visions won't hurt you.”

 

“I love you… please don't stop holding me. I need to be close to you.”

 

“I understand,” Sapphire whispered, kissing her temple. “I will never stop being close to you, Ruby. We were meant to be together… we worked hard for this life. I will never throw it away… not after fighting to love you for so long.”

 

“Sapphire… oh, sapphire.” Ruby was only able to call out her name, but she squeezed her lovers’ waist, lifting her into her lap and cradling her as she so wished to do. “I love you, my most grand clarity.”

 

“I love you, my sweet, strong soldier. I’ll always love you.” The blue gem kissed her temple, smiling softly as she saw the angelic grin of her most precious Ruby be painted across her face once more.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this. Ruby and sapphire are my favorite gems. I wanted to write about their relationship- i dont believe they were perfect from the beginning. They had to grow to become the loving and understanding partners they are now. 
> 
> I wrote this as a vent fic, but i may turn it into a series.


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